Break Out! Go Beyond!
We are limited by what we think others think of us, more so than many of us realize and certainly more than we would like to admit. How we act and don’t act is largely dependent on how we think others expect us to act or not act, which is why we can be one person with some people, and a completely different person in front of other people.
Have you heard about Kitty Genovese, the woman who was killed near her apartment in New York? About a dozen people heard or saw this and yet nobody did anything to help.
Though information later emerged to show that this was probably not a good example of what is now termed ‘the bystander effect‘, it did prompt studies to be conducted which proved the bystander effect is real, i.e. our environment, not just our personality has a huge effect on how we respond to any given situation.
I don’t think all people have a desire to improve themselves and become bigger, better people. I know every one wants bigger better cars, houses and “stuff”, but few of us are willing to become the bigger, better person required to attain and maintain bigger, better “stuff”. We all want to expand on the outside but few realise that that requires you to first expand on the inside.
This post is to encourage you to be a person who breaks away from the herd, and breaks away from the bondage of what friends and family think about you and expect from you. It’s damn difficult, but it’s so worth it.
I attended and played the drums at a certain church from the age of 15 until I was 25. I developed quite late in life (I estimate about four years later than my peers), so those ten years were still very much formative years for me.
The pastor became like a father to me and he treated me like a son, taking a personal interest in my life and success, despite the church having many thousands of members.
Leaving that church – leaving the people who watched me grow up – was extremely difficult. When my pastor came to see me to try convince me to stay, I could see the love in his eyes for me and how convinced he was I was making a huge mistake. When I went home that day, remembering that look in his eyes brought me to tears, he was like a father to me for over ten years.
But I had to do it, and it was the best decision I’ve ever made, bar none.
The same thing when I left my job. My boss was absolutely convinced I was making a huge mistake, but if I didn’t do that I wouldn’t have started my own business, living an enviable lifestyle traveling to exotic places with my best friend, meeting amazing people, getting paid to do what I absolutely adore.
In the first twelve months of my business, dividing the turnover for the year by 12, I had 30% more turnover than if I had stayed at my job. This year we’re 370% up over last year, so far! Oh, and I almost forgot: at my day job I had to work for 180 hours a month for my salary (not including the many hateful hours in traffic). With the drumming, last year we worked less than 300 hours the entire year; actually that’s a blatant lie. I didn’t work a single hour, cause I loved every second of it.
Prediction: People who know me and watched me grow up don’t read this blog, they scan it briefly and say, “nice”, and then don’t come back. Why? Because to them, I’m not one to give advice, I’m the kid with A.D.D. who did stupid stuff and was the clown of the party.
Breaking out, breaking away from the people we know and who know us is extremely difficult. But once we do that it’s like a fresh start, and we can go beyond our previous limitations with ease. I’m not the same snot-flicking kid I was fifteen years ago, but to some people I am. It’s not that they’re bad people, it’s just the way it is, first impressions and all.
Once you go beyond and become that bigger better person, you can then reintegrate with your old friends, and instead of being the water, you can be the bucket. Instead of them holding you back, you can pull them up.